As I was filling our room with elegant piano melodies, Jimbob burst through the front door and gave me the usual butchered German greeting of “Hahlo, Vee gates tee dir” (hi how are you). To this I responded as I always do, “Gut und dir?”(Good and you?). Usually this is where Jimbob says “Gut” back to me, but instead he gave an unsettling set of mumbles and growls. As I turned to look at what I assumed from the noise was Jimbob defecating all over himself, he said “Don’t ya hate those days when ya got the shits and ya can’t stop shittin’?”. My attempts to hold back my laughter were quickly halted by his next statement. “Oh damn, I’m outta Pepto”. Oh God….No…..This can’t be…..We have yet to encounter Jimbob without Pepto. This could mean the end for us all.
Jimbob just asked if it is possible for a woman to grow a second clitoris…
Yesterday as he was making his way out of the room to go pump ungodly amounts of weed into his body, Jimbob asked me if I could “defend myself if someone was trying to rape me”. Jimbob is fully aware that I know martial arts and ask me questions about it all the time but so far this surpasses any dumb Jimbob question as #1. I looked at him for a moment to make sure he was serious, which if you have ever looked Jimbob in the eyes, you know is very difficult. After averting my eyes from his soulless gaze, I told him I did. He seemed satisfied with my answer and went about his business. For his sake, I hope Jimbob doesn’t try to rape me. Because the situation would go something like this.
Jimbob also texted me on New years. Following the same format except this time he wanted to make sure I knew it was him so at the beginning of the text he typed “from: Jimbob” just like last time and then “aka Jonathan Noe”.
Christmas day I awoke with multiple text from friends wishing me a merry Christmas. Aside from these I also received a text from Jimbob, or “dumb ass” as I have him listed in my phone (I should probably change it to “fuck tard”. I think that’s more fitting.) At the beginning of the text he had typed “From: Jimbob” and then a few spaces down “Merry Christmas”. As soon as I saw the “From: Jimbob” I burst into laughter. Good ol’ Jim had asked both me and Jake multiple times for our numbers and he knows I have his number in my phone. No need to address it. No need at all. I did return the text with an equally polite holiday greeting….I’m not an asshole.
Today Jimbob informed us that in the spirit of Christmas, he gave his Spanish professor a tube of lipstick. He then asked us “is that creepy?”….No, of course not Jimbob. There’s no way that is creepy at all. Thanks Jimbob for raising the creeper bar.
Thanks goes to Jimbob’s roommate for providing this exceptional Jimbob quote
margaritas give him the shits.
Jimbob asked us where he had to go in order to register for classes. He was surprised to find out it’s done online. He also hasn’t figured out any of the classes he’s going to take. Next semester’s going to be a blast for this guy.
Jimbob asked Jacob’s lady friend if she “queefs a lot”. This is not acceptable by anyone’s standards
